Good Days...

A few weeks ago when we needed to turn back our clocks, I was a little worried that dad would now be getting confused earlier in the evenings. At first I was pleasantly surprised...dad did really well adjusting. I was excited for the good days, but knew they wouldn't last. Usually when dad has unusually good dads it means we are in for a few bad days and a dip in his abilities down the road. 

Things are back to normal now...whatever that means...and the regular routine of dad's sundowning and being confused in the evening has returned. It seems he gets a certain idea or concept stuck in his head and can't quit asking about it. I feel so bad for him, lately by 8:00 he is so tired out from the confusion that he starts asking about going to bed. I worry about having him go to bed that early, because I'm afraid he'll start wandering later when everyone's in bed. So far so good though.

Tonight was one of those nights when he was just so tired you could see it on his face, so when he asked how soon bedtime was I said, "Right now" and showed him where his room is. After he was changed and ready to lay down we knelt to say prayers. Dad asked, "Who said it last night?" For a while I used to say I did most of the time, because I felt like if he was the one saying the prayer most of the time it would help him continue to remember how to pray. Lately though there have been a few times he was unable to complete the prayer...the other night as he started rambling he caught himself and said, "I apologize, I'm wasting time" then looked up at me and asked if I'd finish the prayer. Tonight, I told him it was his turn and he gave such a beautiful prayer that it brought tears to my eyes.  Dad prays with such gratitude for all that he has, but what really got me was how thankful he was "for all that was good in our day today." He mentioned it several times in different ways, but it made me grateful that he had no memory of how confused he was. He just remembered that Heavenly Father had blessed him with a good day!

Dad seems to be getting more and more confused every day. He continues to have a hard time completing a sentence, because he either forgets the word he wants or just can't keep the thought in his head long enough to finish his sentence. There have been a couple of days when he didn't even get out of bed, except to eat. He wouldn't want to change, so he'd come out to eat in his pj's then go back in his room and lay back down as soon as he was done eating. Dressing is beginning to be harder for him also, not so much because he can't do it as much as he forgets what he's doing while in the middle of getting dressed. There have also been a few times when he has tried to put his pajama bottoms on like a shirt. 

Yesterday was a good day though. He was able to get dressed for church without too much help. Dad needed to go to the bathroom between meetings, so he and Eli were a little late coming in to Sacrament meeting. The opening hymn and prayer were both over before they sat down with us. 

Then today I received the following message on facebook from a friend. "Michelle, I just wanted to share something that really touched me yesterday. As usual, we were sitting in our back of the chapel pew :) and Eli and your Dad walked into the chapel during the song. Your Dad immediately started singing the song, as he knew the words. That alone touched me, that he remembered the words to the song, but then the opening prayer was said. He stopped, right where he was, bowed his head and remained there until the prayer was done. I'm not sure why it touched me so much, but it did. I know he struggles, and that just kind of hit me. Thought I would share it with you. :)"

Even though he forgets my name and the fact that I'm his daughter, he continues to be an example to me of what it means to have the Gospel engrained into your very being.

What Did You Say?

Dad's been going through phases lately where some days he will be in the middle of saying something or asking a question and before he gets to the end of the sentence he forgets the next word he is wanting to say or forgets what he was talking about completely. But for the past couple of days he has also started talking nonsense. 

He and I  are sitting in the living-room watching TV and a few minutes ago he said, "I've got things to do tomorrow." When I asked him what he meant he said, "Well I've got to feed the chickens." When he says things like that to me, I think maybe he's back in Idaho on the farm. 

Then Tanner walked though the room, and dad said, "Will you remind those little ones to keep their hands out of my pouches." I just replied, "I don't think you need to worry, I don't think they even know about them." When he says things like that I'm not quite sure what he's talking about. I think maybe he's stuck between now and the past. The problem I have is trying to figure out how to respond to those odd comments. Sometimes I can figure out something to go along with what he's saying. Other times I have to admit, I have no idea how to respond, so I pretend I didn't hear him. 

Our Daily Bread...

Dad has always said beautiful prayers and even as he is losing SO much of his memory, he still gives a pretty good prayer. 

At bedtime I usually get dad started getting his pajamas on and then I go get mine on too. Then I go back and get his dentures soaking, he puts his glasses away and gets in bed, and I turn out the light. One evening a few weeks ago I got sidetracked after getting my jammies on and took a bit longer getting back to help him. When I opened the door dad was kneeling at his bed saying his prayers. When he heard me he looked up and invited me to join him and then invited me to say the prayer. So began a new nightly routine. Now after dad is ready for bed, we say a prayer together before he lays down. A few weeks ago it was dad's turn to pray and he started his prayer, "Our Father who art in Heaven..." and continued to recite the first half of the Lord's Prayer before adding his own words. Then a few nights ago he bagan the same way, but added his own words after just the first lien of the prayer. 

Tonight it was dad's turn to bless dinner and he recited all of the Lord's Prayer...good thing it asks Him to bless our daily bread. 

A Conversation with Dad...

Dad: How old are you now Michelle?

Me: 51

Dad: How old?

Me: 51

Dad: Really!?

Me: Yep

Dad: I didn't realize you were that much older than Verna and I

Shoelaces...

Every time I slip a pair of shoes with laces off or on without untying them first, I hear dad's voice telling me I'm going to ruin my shoes. It always bugged dad to see me just slip my shoes on or off without undoing the laces, and he was always sure to tell me that I was going to ruin them.

Because he can still dress himself with prompts we usually aren't in the room with him as he puts on his shoes, but I am often in his room with him as he gets undressed and ready for bed. One night about a month ago as he was getting ready to take off his shoes, the laces were knotted then wrapped around his ankle and knotted again. At the time it didn't really dawn on me that he couldn't remember how to tie a bow, so he just tied a knot and then wrapped the extra length of the laces around his ankle. Then on a couple of other evenings I noticed that he had tied his shoelaces in a knot and tucked them into his shoe. That's when the light-bulb went on and I realized he's forgetting how to tie his shoes. Now if I'm in his room as he's tying his shoes, I'll volunteer to do it for him. 

Yesterday we were all busy getting ready for church, so I just laid out dad's clothes and went to finish getting myself ready. When I came back to check on him, he was ready to go and his shoes had bows!

Dad has consistently lost weight since being diagnosed with dementia. Not having any saliva glands probably played a part in it. Mom would try to get him to drink Ensure, but he didn't like the taste. When he first moved to Utah he was weighing 157 and has continued to lose weight. We have tried several things, having him drink Ensure Plus with every meal, adding butter to his oatmeal,  feeding him softer foods that are easier on his dentures, but dad had continued to lose weight. At his doctor's appointment in February his weight was 130. That's a loss of 27 pounds in under three years, so Dr. Duros ran some tests and found that dad's thyroid was high (or low...I forget which) and prescribed some thyroid medicine. At his appointment on Tuesday, dad's weight was 141! Yeah! Eleven pounds up. Maybe we will need to start buying new, bigger pants again.