Scotty's Here!

My nephew Brandon had his missionary farewell last weekend, so we went down to Oceanside for the weekend. Eli left Thursday, because he was going to give a ride to a family in the ward that just moved up here. They were going to rent a u-haul in L.A. and drive some stuff they left in California back up to Utah. Then Dad, Tanner, and I flew down Friday evening. The reason Eli left a day before us was so that he could pick us up at the airport. Connor stayed home because he had a job interview on Saturday.

Dad did really well! We stayed in a hotel, to help alleviate any confusion of why someone else's "stuff" was in his bedroom at Suzy's. His sense of geographical placement (I'm not sure how else to explain it) is pretty much gone. Most of the time I had to remind him we were in California for the weekend...he usually remembers that he lives in Provo now.

Every Saturday night, at bedtime, I remind dad that tomorrow is Sunday and I will be waking him up at 10 to start getting ready for church at 11. He then will set out his church clothes, so that he is ready for the morning. The next morning when I go in to wake him up, he either tells me he's too tired or will says okay and promptly go back to sleep once I leave his room.

Saturday night I reminded dad that tomorrow was Sunday, and told him that even if he woke up tired he was going to have to go to church. I explained that it was Brandon's farewell and that was the whole reason we'd come down, so he was not going to be able to sleep in.

Sunday morning dad got right up! Yay! No having to go back and wake him up a second time. Suzy's ward meets at 9:30, so we left the hotel at 8:45...just in case it took longer to get to the chapel then I thought it would, not that I thought I'd get lost or anything...

We arrived about 5 or 10 minutes before the meeting started at the same time as the Pickett's, so we were able to walk in together. There were quite a few other families arriving at the same time and the foyer was full of people greeting each other. One gentleman from their ward saw us walking in behind them and asked, "What's going on with the Pickett's that they have so much family here today?" Just after I shook his hand and introduced myself as Suzy's sister, another brother that was nearby caught sight of dad. All of a sudden his eyes lit up, and as he hurried to go greet dad he happily told the brother shaking my hand, "And see, Scotty's here!" He was the first of many of the ward members to dash over to greet dad with a great big smile and a hearty handshake. It melted my heart to see the joy in dad's face to be recognized by all these old friends!

Every Thorn Has It's Rose...

When I first started this blog I thought it would be therapeutic, but I really haven't been keeping it up like I thought I would. It's just that lately every time I think of something to post it is usually negative and I don't really want this blog to be a history of degrading events that have happened to dad.

For the longest time the effects of the dementia have been slowly progressing, but lately dad's memory seems to be becoming worse at a faster pace. Usually when we go for rides dad will read all the signs we pass...it's like having a child that is learning to read. But more and more lately he will ask what a certain letter in a word is or even just not recognize the word. I have also noticed that he forgets words when he's talking. We will be having a conversation and he just stops in the middle of his sentence because he either can't remember the word he was going to say, or forgets what it was he was talking about. Another thing I've noticed about his speech lately is that there are times when he just talks nonsense. He will say something that makes no sense at all to me and then get upset when I don't understand what it is he is trying to tell me.

Not too long after mom died Suzy and her family were here in Utah with dad for some family function and dad had a bad fall, so we took him to a walk-in medical center here in town. Boy oh boy! I never realized what a flirt dad was! He was really flirting with the nurses. When I said something to Suzy about she mentioned that he's that way with cashiers at stores too. That's when we started marking dad's decline by the age he was acting. We figured he was acting like a flirty teenager then.

A while back he went through that stage that kids go through when they are about nine and everything is a joke. Ug! That was awful! I remember before I had kids and was around my nieces and nephews at that age and how crazy it made me...then once I had my own kids I dreaded their 9th birthday!

Lately, dad bounces back and forth between a six year old that can't make up his mind and a four or five year old that has no attention span. I have learnt not to give dad choices. If you give dad a choice about something he has a really hard time deciding...if we are at a restaurant it saves time and hassle just to decide for him and then when the food comes tell him it's what he ordered. And then there are times when his attention span is all but gone. The other night I was in his room turning down his covers and getting his denture cup ready while he was getting into his pj's. He did okay getting his pajama top on, but when it came time to take off his pants and put his pajama bottoms on it literally took 20 minutes! He just couldn't keep the thought in his head that he was changing his pants. He would start to unbuckle his belt, then stop and just stand there staring at his dresser with his hands in his pockets. I would remind him what he was doing and he would start again, but then was quickly distracted. It just broke my heart to see how quickly the thought went right out of his head.

So I haven't wanted to blog about all this, but then yesterday morning dad was still asleep and Eli needed to get something out of dad's room. When Eli went into the room dad was sleeping soundly. Then as he was headed out, dad kinda stirred in his bed and said, "Good morning Mrs. Thomas" ...When dad is asleep, he is at peace. In his dreams everything is okay, he still has mom and his memories.

Remembering...

Our Bishop and his wife recently received a mission call to serve in the Ghana, Accra Mission...it's kind of funny because about two months ago I got a call from Bishop Dalton and he said, "Michelle, tell me how a couple leaves for the Ghana, Accra Mission, but returns from the the London, Leeds Mission." I then explained how mom and dad had been called to serve in Ghana, but that partway through their mission the church was ask to cease all missionary work so they finished their mission in England. About a month later, during Ward Conference our Stake President announced that Bishop & Sister Dalton had received a mission call. It kind of makes me wonder if they had their call when Bishop called me, but they hadn't announced it yet.

Since the Dalton's received their call, I have been reading dad's missionary journal. I thought it would be fun to look up the names of some of the people mom and dad worked with and see how they have grown in the Gospel. It's been kind of eye opening to see the work they did and the foundations they laid (literally & figuratively) for the Gospel to come again to the people of Ghana. A lot of what dad was doing, besides training the leaders, was purchasing property for future church houses and overseeing the construction of buildings in progress.

The field was definitely ripe for them! Twice they had men from nearby villages come knock at their door with a list of names of people who were ready to learn about the church and be baptized. It will be good to hear what has become of these men.

Reading through the pages of dad's journal has been therapeutic. We get so busy going through the day to day routines of caring for him that I forget the man he was.

New Shoes?

I received an email from Norman today with this little note:

One cute story for the Poway stay: I woke him up one day and we started the day well. When he was definitely "up" I went back to getting myself fully ready. When I returned to the living room I saw him sitting serenely, looking like he'd finished before I did. On closer inspection, though, rather than wearing his own shoes he was wearing the size 14 near-new boots I had put in the entryway for Brandon, who wears the same size I do. Dad, however, wears a 10 or 10.5! They looked like clown boots on him. Best of all, when I pointed out the problem, Dad said with a twinkle in his eye, "But I like these! I'll just try them out today. Might make my feet grow some."

One thing this disease has not taken away from dad is his sense of humor!

Home Again, Home Again

On May 10th Eli and I celebrated our 20 year anniversary. Eli surprised me with a 14 day cruise to Hawaii! He went ahead and booked the trip while I was away at a conference for work and was going to keep it a secret, but he was having so much fun looking at all the things to do on the islands that he ended up telling me.

Norman and Toni agreed to have dad stay with them for the two weeks we were away. The cruise was to begin on April 27th, but since April 26th was dad's birthday Norm asked if they could have him for his birthday too.

On the way to San Diego to drop dad off we spent the night in Las Vegas. During the ride dad sat up front with me, while Eli slept in the back seat. As we were driving along, every once in a while dad would ask me where we were taking "this load". I think he was having truck driving memories. I just replied San Diego...which would then lead to "I thought we were in San Diego"...

Then while we were in the hotel room, dad kept forgetting we were in a hotel. Thankfully it was late enough that we just went right to bed. But then I got to worrying..."What if this trip isn't good for dad?" and "What if it just confuses him more?" I actually began to feel a little guilty, but then realized that even when dad is home he gets confused...it's sadly part of daily life for him now.

We have now been back home a week and I am happy to report dad has adjusted quite well. I don't even think he remembers being in San Diego. The weather here has been fairly nice the past few days and he has even been able to go out and pull weeds in the yard.

Respite

My last two posts have been a little negative and I feel bad about that, because things are usually pretty good. Having dad in our home has really not changed our daily routines to much...besides the fact that Eli now stays home with dad. When we go out now, if dad is not coming with us, we just have to make sure someone is here with dad. And if dad is coming with us, we just have to be sure to bring a bottle of water for him since he has no saliva glands due to having cancer removed from the roof of his mouth.

Shortly after dad moved in with us, we found Aspen Senior Care. It is an in-home health service that has nurses or personal assistants that come to peoples homes to help with various in-home health needs. We don't really need in-home health care services for dad right now, but wanted to find out what services were available before we needed them. While talking with Susan, from Aspen, about the services they offer she mentioned that in June they would be opening Aspen Senior Center, a Senior Day Center. They offer respite care for family caregivers. The daily activities are very similar to the activities dad participated in while living at Jamestown.

We drop dad off about once a week to give him an opportunity to have to social interaction and activities, and to give Eli a break to run errands and such. It's kind of nice, because they have a "drop in" option. This way we aren't committing to attendance and then dad ends up sleeping in and not going. Since dad was up and about pretty early today, we decided it would be a good day to go to Aspen. Here's a couple of pictures of dad with the birdhouse he painted as craft project.

"Hello"

Dad's sleeping habits are changing. He used to stay up 'til all hours of the night puttering around in his room and then sleep until about 1:00 the next day, but lately he's been saying he was ready for bed at about 10:00 and is quite often in bed by 11:30. He still sleeps in a bit, but is usually up and dressed by 10 or 11:00. Except for sometimes...the thing that's changed is that now on the nights that he is up late (last night he was up until midnight), he is also up early!

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, so at 6:00 I called in to work and left a message that I would be late. Just as I was falling back to sleep I heard dad...he was up at 6:30 calling "Hello?" He forgets that this is my house and thinks we are at a hotel and calls out to see where everyone is. Sometimes I can tell him we are still in bed and he should try sleeping for another hour. Today when I called down to him he went back into his room, but was back out 20 minutes later..."Hello?"