Good Days...

A few weeks ago when we needed to turn back our clocks, I was a little worried that dad would now be getting confused earlier in the evenings. At first I was pleasantly surprised...dad did really well adjusting. I was excited for the good days, but knew they wouldn't last. Usually when dad has unusually good dads it means we are in for a few bad days and a dip in his abilities down the road. 

Things are back to normal now...whatever that means...and the regular routine of dad's sundowning and being confused in the evening has returned. It seems he gets a certain idea or concept stuck in his head and can't quit asking about it. I feel so bad for him, lately by 8:00 he is so tired out from the confusion that he starts asking about going to bed. I worry about having him go to bed that early, because I'm afraid he'll start wandering later when everyone's in bed. So far so good though.

Tonight was one of those nights when he was just so tired you could see it on his face, so when he asked how soon bedtime was I said, "Right now" and showed him where his room is. After he was changed and ready to lay down we knelt to say prayers. Dad asked, "Who said it last night?" For a while I used to say I did most of the time, because I felt like if he was the one saying the prayer most of the time it would help him continue to remember how to pray. Lately though there have been a few times he was unable to complete the prayer...the other night as he started rambling he caught himself and said, "I apologize, I'm wasting time" then looked up at me and asked if I'd finish the prayer. Tonight, I told him it was his turn and he gave such a beautiful prayer that it brought tears to my eyes.  Dad prays with such gratitude for all that he has, but what really got me was how thankful he was "for all that was good in our day today." He mentioned it several times in different ways, but it made me grateful that he had no memory of how confused he was. He just remembered that Heavenly Father had blessed him with a good day!

Dad seems to be getting more and more confused every day. He continues to have a hard time completing a sentence, because he either forgets the word he wants or just can't keep the thought in his head long enough to finish his sentence. There have been a couple of days when he didn't even get out of bed, except to eat. He wouldn't want to change, so he'd come out to eat in his pj's then go back in his room and lay back down as soon as he was done eating. Dressing is beginning to be harder for him also, not so much because he can't do it as much as he forgets what he's doing while in the middle of getting dressed. There have also been a few times when he has tried to put his pajama bottoms on like a shirt. 

Yesterday was a good day though. He was able to get dressed for church without too much help. Dad needed to go to the bathroom between meetings, so he and Eli were a little late coming in to Sacrament meeting. The opening hymn and prayer were both over before they sat down with us. 

Then today I received the following message on facebook from a friend. "Michelle, I just wanted to share something that really touched me yesterday. As usual, we were sitting in our back of the chapel pew :) and Eli and your Dad walked into the chapel during the song. Your Dad immediately started singing the song, as he knew the words. That alone touched me, that he remembered the words to the song, but then the opening prayer was said. He stopped, right where he was, bowed his head and remained there until the prayer was done. I'm not sure why it touched me so much, but it did. I know he struggles, and that just kind of hit me. Thought I would share it with you. :)"

Even though he forgets my name and the fact that I'm his daughter, he continues to be an example to me of what it means to have the Gospel engrained into your very being.