Sunday as Dad, Connor, & I were getting into the car to come home from church Connor found a gray hair and quickly proceeded to pull it out. I told him he should have left it there because now three more will grow back. Then dad proceeded to tell Connor about his sister Verna.
Dad started out, "My twin sister Verna, in high school she" then he kind of hesitated looking for the right words. Then trailed off in a quiet voice with, "well, she's dead now" So I quickly picked up with the story he had started to tell by saying, "Didn't she go gray while she was in high school?" At that point dad finished telling his story about how growing up Aunt Verna had always had jet black hair, but that it started going gray while they were in high school and that she was completely gray by the time they graduated.
When dad was done, I mentioned that I always loved Aunt Verna's beautiful silver hair. Then dad asked, "Did you meet my sister?" So I said, "Yes, Aunt Verna. Remember when we lived in Santee, not too far from her." Stating more as a fact then a question to try a jog a memory. Then dad asked, "So, how do I know you?"
That's not the first time dad has forgotten what our relationship is. He knows that I am Michelle, but there are times when as he says my name, that just from the tone he uses when he says it, I can tell he doesn't remember that I am "Mickey"...I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me.
It is not uncommon for dad to ask "Who was your mother" or "Do you remember your mother" The first time he asked if I remembered my mother, I thought it was because he was beginning to forget her. But the yesterday when he asked me who my mom was, after I replied "Chips" he said, that's right and she died when you were a baby. Then it made sense to me...he was getting the story of Harriet (his first wife) dying when Norm was a baby confused.
For Christmas last year, my niece Guinevere & sister-in-law Toni decided to make a book for dad. It was going to be they story of his life. They gathered individual and family pictures from everyone and had us write a little bit about ourselves. How long we've been married, where we live, what the kids hobbies are, etc. When Guinevere first mentioned it I thought "What a great idea." Then when I got to see the book, even though it was well done, I thought "Oh, this is really dummied down" thinking that it was written like it was for a child. But dad LOVES that book, he reads it nightly! I am so glad that Guinevere got the idea and she and her mom were able to do such a good job a preserving those memories for dad.
So...this is my first attempt at blogging about the journey of caring for a parent with dementia. I have a friend at church who's mother was diagnosed with dementia earlier this year (her memory loss has progressed much faster then dad's) and her sister who is the primary care giver for her started a blog as therapy. Since I express myself best through writing, I thought it was a good idea. Hopefully this will be both a place for family and friends to be updated about the progression of dad's dementia and for me to express the feelings I am going through as we journey this LoNG aND WiNDiNG RoaD.
Dad started out, "My twin sister Verna, in high school she" then he kind of hesitated looking for the right words. Then trailed off in a quiet voice with, "well, she's dead now" So I quickly picked up with the story he had started to tell by saying, "Didn't she go gray while she was in high school?" At that point dad finished telling his story about how growing up Aunt Verna had always had jet black hair, but that it started going gray while they were in high school and that she was completely gray by the time they graduated.
When dad was done, I mentioned that I always loved Aunt Verna's beautiful silver hair. Then dad asked, "Did you meet my sister?" So I said, "Yes, Aunt Verna. Remember when we lived in Santee, not too far from her." Stating more as a fact then a question to try a jog a memory. Then dad asked, "So, how do I know you?"
That's not the first time dad has forgotten what our relationship is. He knows that I am Michelle, but there are times when as he says my name, that just from the tone he uses when he says it, I can tell he doesn't remember that I am "Mickey"...I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me.
It is not uncommon for dad to ask "Who was your mother" or "Do you remember your mother" The first time he asked if I remembered my mother, I thought it was because he was beginning to forget her. But the yesterday when he asked me who my mom was, after I replied "Chips" he said, that's right and she died when you were a baby. Then it made sense to me...he was getting the story of Harriet (his first wife) dying when Norm was a baby confused.
For Christmas last year, my niece Guinevere & sister-in-law Toni decided to make a book for dad. It was going to be they story of his life. They gathered individual and family pictures from everyone and had us write a little bit about ourselves. How long we've been married, where we live, what the kids hobbies are, etc. When Guinevere first mentioned it I thought "What a great idea." Then when I got to see the book, even though it was well done, I thought "Oh, this is really dummied down" thinking that it was written like it was for a child. But dad LOVES that book, he reads it nightly! I am so glad that Guinevere got the idea and she and her mom were able to do such a good job a preserving those memories for dad.
So...this is my first attempt at blogging about the journey of caring for a parent with dementia. I have a friend at church who's mother was diagnosed with dementia earlier this year (her memory loss has progressed much faster then dad's) and her sister who is the primary care giver for her started a blog as therapy. Since I express myself best through writing, I thought it was a good idea. Hopefully this will be both a place for family and friends to be updated about the progression of dad's dementia and for me to express the feelings I am going through as we journey this LoNG aND WiNDiNG RoaD.
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